you're gone and suddenly everything feels wrong Jiahui L. September baby. Once a Hildan, always a Hildan. :) 04052011; Superman's. And he's the best thing about me ♥. :) & I honestly don't know how life will be like without him. I don't want to lose him again. bolditalicunderlinestrikeout

my heart has been captured by your funny little smile

i don't know for sure where this is going 6/8'09 1 Perseverance'10 Chloe. Gracelyn Shermaine Ong Shuyi

don't promise me forever just love me day by day Template: Elle (blog) Inspiration: balloon.s Fonts: toomunch Icons: defying affection Lyrics: Funny Little World Others: colour codes

lovedieyou ▼ May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012

MOVED!



When someone cries so hard that it hurts their throat, it is out of frustration or knowing that no matter what you can do or attempt to do can change the situation. When you feel like you need to cry, when you want to just get it out, relieve some of the pressure from the inside - that is true pain. Because no matter how hard you try or how bad you want to, you can’t. That pain just stays in place. Then, if you are lucky, one small tear may escape from those eyes that water constantly. That one tear, that tiny, salty, droplet of moisture is a means of escape. Although it’s just a small tear, it is the heaviest thing in the world. And it doesn’t do a damn thing to fix anything.

"You started the whole 'i don't need you thing' so we lived with it so at the end the day, it is you who made us not need you." maybe I just need to get that in my head, and that I shouldn't try... I mean since things are like that and........ and I'm guessing you hate me now so.
and it's too bloody late for anything.

well if you ever, see this:
Xinni: I don't know what you're going to think after this. But I'm sorry I made you put up with my shit anyway. I mean I got those somewhat indirect tweets before anything happened back then. You and her just scolding someone and yes, I was guilty of throwing you those shit emotions that's why I took it as those tweets were for me.(I don't know if I was over-thinking but I think they were.) Then I felt I was annoying the hell out of you. I don't want to come up with stupid excuses and shizz but I sincerely apologize for fucking your efforts up and taking your existence for granted. And yes I do know it's too late for anything, and maybe you wouldn't even bother with this. If there's any way I can make you forgive me, I'd do it if it's within my means. Thank you for your efforts and I'm sorry, sorry for assuming all my thoughts were right and I was acting like bitch, I don't know how to describe how I was like when I was just drowning in my own damn misery but I guess you'll do the describing better. Scold me more, if that makes you feel good. And yes, I'm not over it; if your definition of "over it" means not hoping any single thing from him anymore.

Was just thinking. :/ maybe a lot. I don't know haha but it feels so good to let everything out to you :X h2ht just now, feels.. (Y) really good hehe (:

Someday when things settle down, maybe next term, or end of the year, I'd fight for your friendship again, like I did in sec 1. Maybe it won't work this time but I just guess I'm gonna try.
I do have reasons. I mean I could feel shit and was I to wait till you forced me out of both of your lives because I was annoying you 2. I was affected yes, but I was annoying you lol.
I'll wait till things get better. Or maybe you wouldn't even need me. I'll find the right words then. Just not now. Sorry.

So long since I wanted to blog meh >< haha had a really really long national day break :) while others had 4 days I had 6. Fell sick on Sunday and I didn't go for CIP. :/ psh. Thursday had class outing and it was kinda a success?? I think? But people were sick and some were like lazy to go. :/ hehehe. It was fun ^^ ate at Saizeriya and really, they messed up XD flew a kite at night yayz:) but the string i bought broke because of the nylon string. Was lying down beside elliot then jed came squeeze, then both gang up poke me walao tsk. Before that was talking to you like the others didn't exist hahaha I like :O most left marina barrage at 10, joey jordyn jed and elliot till 1130, then joey's dad gave us a lift! Went NTUC with that fat prawn to get snacks then headed home.
Brave with friend on Friday then CIP with yan zhuang and jiaxue on Saturday then the next three days fever hahaha.
Spent my days at home doing a lot of thinking (that sucks) hahaha. But time? What would it do anyway :/

Well, I feel a little mean that I changed my twitter name. But whatever, someone has to do it first, and that's me. It's time to walk away from everything we had, because its pointless, and since you've deleted all the photos, lets just forget this as well. :)

this picture is rly sweet hehe :D
I'm really glad I finally had the guts to leave everything behind already, yay :)
I no longer hope nor expect. don't do something half-heartedly, so just do this thing, get over and done with it. well 2.4km run was goooood, I guess? 49 in the level for girls. meh. this year everyone fly I think, or is it just me. i dont know haha :) jiaxue got 2nd! and first..? zzz. and john got second too! 3rd keiyun :) our class be pro ^-^ hehe :D
TELL ME HOW STUPID JUNE IS?
I PLACED A FREAKING ICE CUBE INTO MY MOUTH TODAY AND SHE SCOLDED ME FOR EATING FOOD ha ha ha joke. say what "picnic in class" and shit, loljoke hahahah don't you know your basic knowledge well or. ice is freaking water in solid form, goanddielololololol.
THIS IS FREAKING ADORABLE ASDFGHJKL.

CIP TODAY WITH MS FARAH! SHE PLAYED CAPTAINS' BALL WITH US, LOVE HER MUCH XD she told me to take off my skirt cuz she felt awkward and ask me wear FBT with her hahahah cute x)

look at them, how adorable :)
walk to eastpoint with all of them and went home with le table partner and he treat me gongcha :) my dad sent him to school today hahahaha
 jiaxue :)
 on sunday~
 I love my sister hehehe I love how I can tell her absolutely everything and anything and she would just joke about it hehe
 sunlightttt
 my class for the national day photo thing, we took last tuesday! :)
 Fat table partner
 haha seriouslyyyyyyyyy :)
 ms farah was laughing i swearrrrr.
best campers! haha :b

August has been really really good to me. Just that.. you, we just became not close, or were we even close in the first place hahahhahhaa. okay. class outing on 9 August! :)) CAN'T WAIT :)
tomorrow's gonna be a short day.
today was a good good good day. love you 3F.


I love paradise by coldplay but the mv, just retardeddddd. whoops..
today's the 4th. what am I supposed to feel. hahaha, okay nevermind that. welllllll. he's kind of sweet, you know. :) hmm, I don't knowwww, but he should stop talking to me like that. walao if it ever happens, I am going to slap myself looool. okay, training was good I guess? but my knee.. I don't know. yay, sweet couple just now when going home :3 hehe, EYECRAMP!! ^-^

I guess you've forgotten what day is it today, but it's okay. have fun living your perfect life without me. I know im nothing compared to them, because I didn't help you get through anything. nothing at all. then, maybe when you were down because of your mum or you missed your grandparent, I cheered you up, that meant nothing. and maybe you forgot that I even made you happy before. take care darling, spare a thought for yourself. i forgot what us felt like. I remember you singing to me at the playground at night, I remember running in the rain with you, I remember... nevermind, it doesn't matter. I remember things that do not need to be remembered. 


well thank you for making my day once again, friennndddddd ;)
"No boy is worth your tears, and the one that is will never make you cry."


cant say today was bad, neither can I say it was good. but sexedu with 3F was sooooo funny :b
reasons why a guy would say no to sex? "Erectile dysfunction" Omg, my class xD hahahhaa "PARENTS DONT ALLOW" And when they were about to fill in why a guy would say yes... they say put the exact opposite. then it would be "Parents allow"
HAHAH so cute my class. XD Neutral day :)) the school changed the school bell, ohmyyyyy its so cute now :D

my gosh, I love this song.. (;
yesterday night was... I don't even know. I really don't know. but silly boy please think about yourself, what you want and spare a thought for your own feelings. you're glad I'm fine, then what about yourself. don't be so silly. tomorrow's the 4th, okay nevermind I wish I didn't remember dates. but meh, spend it with netballers or someone else? :/ I don't know. Tonight see if you even bother starting conversation with me or not lor haha. :X
omg,whyareyousoadorable.

"If the heart is always searching, Can you ever find a home? I've been looking for that someone, I'll never make it on my own. Dreams can't take the place of loving you, There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true. When you look me in the eyes, And tell me that you love me. Everything's alright, When you're right here by my side. When you look me in the eyes, I catch a glimpse of heaven. I find my paradise, When you look me in the eyes. How long will I be waiting, To be with you again I'm gonna tell you that I love you, In the best way that I can. I can't take a day without you here, You're the light that makes my darkness disappear. When you look me in the eyes, And tell me that you love me. Everything's alright, When you're right here by my side. Moving on, I start to realize, I can reach my tomorrow, I can hold my head up high, And it's all because you're by my side. When you look me in the eyes, And tell me that you love me. Everything's alright, When you're right here by my side. When I hold you in my arms, I know that it's forever, I just gotta let you know, Never wanna let you go. Cause when you look me in the eyes. And tell me that you love me."

my heart stops stops when I get close to you, like lightning striking out of the blue.
I started falling, for you without a warning. (:

MY GOSH, I love young love (Y) jedward y u so hot :b



 
and its true ;)



 

august has been good to me so far :) well yesterday we had awkward long eye contacts but.. AWKWARD >< today 1 free period ;) mr Edwin came in and all of us just used phone like it wasn't against the rules xD
Just a little angst that you can just anyhow say stuff I didn't do. But it's alright lah it does not matter. It gives you a lot of reasons to move on. I'll talk to you when things are settled. And for you, maybe we won't be friends since you won't even bother replying.Heard lots of stuff about you, and sorry.. But it's super gross.

You asked me out on the 4th but awkward and you haven't said a thing so if you don't say anything by tomorrow then forget it. (x

at least I'm not a coward like you are,

"But I don't wanna live that way, reading into every word you say. You said that you could let it go and I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know. But you didn't have cut me off, make it like it never happened and that we were nothing. I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger
and that feels so rough"

Life has been good to me :) gotta admit that I do miss you. But so what if I miss everything. Things won't be the same even if anything happen. Trying my best to avoid you in school because, just because.. You don't deserve to feel pain anymore.

Went to Elliot's church with Jiaxue and Jed yesterday. The speaker was really really good (Y) I like :3 well, ended pretty late and we left at 10:20? Jiaxue no eat dinner then we went macs >:) some ass pangseh lah. Psh. Reached home at 11:50 pm (Y) hee. Can't wait for national day because.. Hehe ^-^
PE on Monday can't wait hehehehe. And applied for OCIP, hope can get in T-T

used to think you were different but oh well, no. hahaha oh boohoo im going to drown myself in misery just cos.. LOLjk. well never blamed you or made it seem like you didn't care. It's okay if you think I did.

“Love, being in love, isn’t a constant thing. It doesn’t always flow at the same strength. It’s not always like a river in flood. It’s more like the sea. It has tides, it ebbs and flows. The thing is, when love is real, whether it’s ebbing or flowing, it’s always there, it never goes away. And that’s the only proof you can have that it is real, and not just a crush or an infatuation or a passing fancy.”


Life has been somewhat improving day by day :') I believed it would be better, and it is :)
Grateful for the people who was there for me and didn't judge me even though i was the most fucking annoying person in the 3 weeks :) Hee :) Especially my dearest sister, she's the best ever. ;)
thanks 3F, ;)

went jamming with people on friday, it wasn't that fun but during dinner, HAHAHA oh my gosh, i went to wave at random people and one gave me the shocked face and the other stood there and looked at me for damn long xD

THANKS:
hmm shuyi, yijun, jiaxue, shermaine ong, wanyi, yanzhuang, jinchao, yewyu, zhihao, john, elliot, keiyun and otherszxzxc for cheering me up, or trying to, or made me day. :') oh and of course my stupid fat kor ;)
all of you brought laughter and made me feel better 8D and my form teacher, who told me it really wasn't worth it at all. Love her xoxoxo.
sometimes life just shows you how much screwed up it can be, but just, make the best out of it. I feel myself getting stronger emotionally. (Y)

on the bus i was like oooooooh sweet couple at the bus stop, but when the guy stared right back at me, no. after yesterday I just realized that you're the same as all of them. but it's okay, you do not owe me any explanation, why do you bother so much when i'm not related to you at all. I'm washing my hands off all things related to you. I'm proud of myself, i didn't even shed a tear when I saw.
i just didn't know you were so easy.

well, apart from that...
I can't wait for national day, I love you all ;)
it's gonna be good~

“People, I have discovered, are layers and layers of secrets. You believe you know them, that you understand them, but their motives are always hidden from you, buried in their own hearts. You will never know them, but sometimes you decide to trust them.”

Funny how I still care about you so much, when you have already replaced me—as a best friend. It's crazy—me still wishing that you would let me care for you. It's like everyday I still want to know how your day was. I still want to remind you how much I love you every night no matter how tiring/rough or hard the day was. and if you had a bad day I want to be the one cheering you up, if you're having a sore throat I still wanna make honey water for you. If you need help with studies I want to be the one beside you helping you. I want to be the one that makes you smile—not just the one on your face, I wanna make your heart smile, and feel glad. I still wanna be the first person you think of in the morning, the last person you think of at night. I want to be that special someone that brightens up your day no matter what. I wanna be the one to send you home. I want to be the one that you love, the one that you remind that you love no matter what time of the day it is. I want to be everything.

But you found someone new to go home with, someone that could follow you home all the way anyway. I don't know whether to be happy or sad, but I guess it's both. Happy that you found someone better than I am, someone that is everything that I couldn't be. Someone that you want to be there for, someone you feel that's worth it. Someone new that you'd get jealous over. But sad that you managed to replace me, and it has only been less than one month.

But I've got to be glad. Glad you're happy without me—happier.
It's like I want to let go because you've found your own happiness, but I can't seem to let go because my heart keeps telling me you're the one for me. I don't wanna let this whole thing affect my studies but I just can't help but think of you, of everything that we had.
But all that's dead and gone and past.
And I don't mean a thing to you anymore, not even worth an SMS now. Never gonna be good enough for you. Never was. Never am and never going to be.

Sorry I can't keep up to the friendship. Sorry that I feel that all your doings are way too much than I should ever deserve. I know I'm annoying every single fucking person now. I don't want to be in your lives anymore, this way I won't be a burden anymore. I'm not gonna drown in self pity or whatsoever but this is what I feel. I apologize for leaving, but I'm just nothing but trouble. I honestly do not deserve all of you.

"Have you ever been so upset you just completely broke down alone by yourself? Your parents can’t tell and nor can your friends because you hide it behind a smile. You know you’re not okay. Yet again, no one knows how you feel and you don’t bother telling them because they have their own lives to deal with. So you store all your problems, all your sorrow, all your tears, all your hurt and all your pain. You’ll take it out some other day, but not today.. Today’s not the day. Because here’s to the nights you dealt with more than you bargained for. All those sleepless nights crying so hard you couldn’t breathe. To the nights you couldn’t wait till everybody grew up because you were sick of them judging you. To all those nights you wished things would just get better. To all those good nights that turned to bad. To all those nights you wished you were older. To those nights that unfortunately came too soon"

Today was a shit day, I'm not kidding. Irony how you feel so  a l o n e  even when you're with a big crowd of people, that feeling sucks really. But no matter what, I still have to face it anyway. All the thoughts and questions at the back of my head, without explanations or answers:

People say if it's meant to be it will be. But I think if you have the chance, grab it.
I mean, what if it really is meant to be, but it comes in a different approach and life just wants you to make the choices right and make those who are worth it stay? Like, even if it was meant to be and you don't take the chances that are given to you, and nobody takes the first step, there wouldn't even be a fire without a spark. If you know he's really meant to be, but he's just within the crowd, yet you don't want to do anything about it. I guess then really, meant to be is just an excuse. Let nature take its course? What can nature do? Even if you meet the guy you love so much on the streets 2 years down the road, what makes you so sure you'd approach him? Life is all about chances, if you don't take it, you'll miss it, and maybe regret for life.

That sounded really crazy, but honestly:
Life is all about chances, grab every single one of them you have.

"Don't ever give up on something or someone that you can't go a full day without thinking about. It's worth it. " But I can understand why you've completely given up; I know how much you hate me now. Well but, if something has always been failing, don't give up, be happy you've found the other 1001 ways that would not work.

This ^, but people get tired, really. So it isn't a good idea anyway; pushing them away.

I'm still waiting for you, for any chance that you would come back, but the chances are slim, or maybe no chance at all. Maybe it's really time to let it go. But if you still came back and asked for everything, I would give the world to you, no hesitations. Although I hear a lot of negative things about you... I can't seem to hate you for your actions, because no matter what you do, no matter how much you hurt me, the fact that I love you will never ever change. I love you always. You're impossible to forget.


Everything I do, reminds me of you. Do you miss me, at all?
Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe things happen for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
"And once upon a time, I had thought I was 'someone' to you but I must have been a fool."

My form teacher has been a rly good person to confide in. :) I love my form teacher so so so so so so much. :') 
and my greatest motivation to carry on:

It definitely will be better. :)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -




to you.

I wish I knew how to be positive 24/7 till the day you decide. but I don't quite wanna know the answer. because I still want to love you, I'm afraid after you decide, I don't get to show you or tell you how much I feel for you.

it kinda feels nice, you know. not talking to anyone. because I can't seem to find someone who truly cares about me anymore. 





sadly, happiness never lasts










I like it better when I'm optimistic. Honestly, but it's so damn hard to keep it there. It's so hard y'know. You said being optimistic isn't your strong point, who ever said it was my strong point anyway?
The only reason why I stay strong now is because, if I'm all pessimistic, you'll start giving up. And I don't want that. But it's so hard to maintain every shit. It's so damn hard. I hate myself. Why must I exist.

"i would never apologise to someone who is in the wrong,but youre not just someone"
I just wanna know, do you still even care? do you find me annoying?

i wish whatever we shared in this relationship is more important and is worth than anything else and you would forgive me.

"But if I wanted to leave, I would have left by now" -adam lambert

"Love is the most beautiful thing, and the most painful thing. When you use 100% of your heart and 0% of your head. It’s love when you stopped being logical. It’s love when you can forgive and forget what a person did to you. It’s love when no matter how he hurt and made you cry, you still continue to love him. It’s love when you don’t carry a grudge in your heart. Love is selfless. Love is, when you’re willing to die for the person. Love is… “I don’t want to live without him/her, I don’t care if he/she is a little fat, I don’t care if my father might be prejudiced of him/her, I’m with him/her and he’s going to meet him/her soon. Also, him/her mother has questionable looks and she may get them, but I don’t care, yes I would like for he/she and I to have a child, yes if he/she breaks up with me and goes out with someone else I would be a bit upset, but I want him/her to be happy, and finally yes, I would sit with him/her in the hospital if he/she were dying because being with him/her is more important to me than the changes that might repel anyone else."


It’s love when you can forgive and forget what a person did to you. It’s love when no matter how he hurt and made you cry, you still continue to love him. It’s love when you don’t carry a grudge in your heart. Love is selfless. Love is, when you’re willing to die for the person. Love is… “I don’t want to live without him/her, I don’t care if he/she is a little fat

Love is, when you're willing to die for the person..
it's love when no matter how he hurt and made you cry.. will you let this pass, for me?

I have no idea why i woke up at 6:40..
But, I dreamt.
Maybe all we had was a dream.
Well, yeah really things cant and don't always go my way. When you make your decision, as long as you're happy with it, nothing else matters. Because I've no more rights to say anything. All depends on you. I guess you can't trust me anymore and I'm not very optimistic about this.. But if you wanna come back good lah. If you don't then I can't do anything cos maybe you won't even be friends with me. Can't force things. I'll always be yours. It's just that each time I think of my future, you're always in it, don't know about you.
"The Vow" is the best romance movie I've ever watched really. I can still remember their vows ^-^

Paige: I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.
Leo: I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love


"Im just tired of feeling like a failure"
but I will try.

I don't want to end up like her, but I've done so many things wrong, and even if you end up not coming back, I only have myself to blame.Right now before you make your decision I have to #1) take care of myself #2) get well and not cough anymore #3) not call you.
If your decision is a negative one then I've no reason to take care of myself anymore. And if your decision is positive I'll just do #1.
I'll just have to remember that I brought myself into this and it's good that he would try to trust me again. Today my mum asked me why my face no chubby liaoz, lul.


^ so cute.

so effortlessly.
yes this, although we fight but I guess that's just part of an obstacle that we have to pass. and this is just another one, I honestly believe that he would come back when he stops thinking of the past because what he does all just still shows he cares. but its not easy lah. although he cares but.. yeah doesn't mean he would return. I know that clearer than anyone else so I'm not gonna hold my hopes too high.. if he still wants us he would come back and we would be together because I'm always his. I swear I'm not gonna love anymore. If this doesn't work I don't see any hope anymore. 415 days, and it still ends. this 4th, I'm not gonna get anymore surprise. well, kinda sad but.. :/ I can't force things to go my way, I only can wait and hope for the best.Glad you're still rather protective and all, but okay.. I shall not think too much.
But remember this is a once in a lifetime love, alright? you'd always be my baby. don't think I'll ever recover from this. sigh, I love you boy.


Sigh I can't control my tears in class this week and then stupid people like jeremy go and ask him "why you make her cry" UGH your problem ah I know you very well is it -.- then end up my fault but I tried to hide it as far as possible its just that teachers come in and gotta greet them right sigh.


the vans I want if I don't get the neon threaded oneeee.
meh don't know when I'd get my shoes :(

the only thing thats coming in between you and me, is reality.

I don't understand how things can change so fast :(
In the future, i want to hold you to sleep every single night.
you, mathias chong bei en. you're the only one that I need. the only one that I love.



you, me, forever?

“But there’s an enormous difference between an audience that’s watching you because they can’t wait to see what comes next and an audience that’s watching you because they’re waiting for you to fail.”

—	Jodi Picoult, Sing You Home